Diary of a Slow Burn: Entry 01
Welcome to the inner world of an intense, strange girl on a journey to exist in the world.
☆ Originally published FEB 28, 2025 via Substack ☆
Welcome to my digital diary. As a singer-songwriter, introspective over-thinker, deep-feeler, chronically-plagued-and-consumed-by-my-own-existence weird girl, slowest of slow burns, I’m going to give you an in to my intense and strange world. 💗
This is the first installment of what I’m calling: The Diary of a Slow Burn. (Video diary edition coming as well on my YouTube).
At the end of January, on the first new moon of 2025, I released a song called “Slow Burn”.
“Slow Burn” is about the time it takes to get where you want to go. It’s both acceptance, but also a bit of bitterness, recognizing that yes, it will take a long time, but it will be worth the wait. But it also sucks in the meantime.
It’s about how I feel like things will take so much longer for me than for others. It’s beyond even imposter syndrome, which, yes, I have in droves, but knowing and trying to accept that just by my nature things will take me longer than the average person. Without talking of self-deprecation, lack of confidence, self-consciousness of my skills and ability to execute my ideas in the way I want them - things will take me longer. Because I care deeply and intensely and perhaps all too much about what I’m creating, I think so hard about what I’m thinking and how the achieve the best, most magical creation that I just get caught up in the perception, little details, and all the things in between.
Everything I do takes me so much time because of my care, focus, attention-to-detail, thoroughness, and tendency to aim for as much perfection as can be reached for both a human and also someone who for so many years staunchly rejected the idea of and word “perfect”. But I just work differently. I need more time to process things, have different rates and levels of tolerance, and what I can do in a day perhaps looks like much less than what is typically considered normal and reasonable. Of course, it isn’t less. And so for me, things take longer. Which is okay. And fine. And perfectly acceptable. So, the conclusion to this all is that however much time it will take someone else to do a thing, it’s going to take me double. If the average person takes ten years to reach success, it’s going to take me twenty.
And so, even though it’s totally okay it’s going to take me twenty years, couldn’t I have started my twenty years…twenty years ago? Couldn’t I have started earlier? And then I could still be young, still be in my prime, when I finally reach that success. Because, of course, even though I am very young and while there is nothing wrong with reaching your success by any age, society and culture and entertainment make it seem like if you aren’t thriving as an artist in your 20’s, you’re not thriving. Like it’s embarrassing to be in your twenties and still be working on your skills and developing professionally, and release music that isn’t the be-all-end-all polished, high quality music that you could be creating and putting out the in the world later in your career.
And it’s hard to see other girls my age breaking into their success, when perhaps they started ten years ago and now they’ve reached the ten year point. But this song isn’t really about that jealousy of seeing other girls my age doing things and being developed in their skills and confidently and steadily ready to move into what opens ahead. It’s about telling myself, over and over again, “it’s okay, I have to take my own time and journey and by the time I get there it will have been worth it and I will have colored in my skies and built the world”. But fuck, I wish I was already further along. Because I know where I’m trying to go and am going, but it sucks the whole way there. I accept it, and I can try to be enthusiastic and encouraged and motivated and optimistic about it. But that doesn’t mean I’m happy about it, and it doesn’t mean it doesn’t burn the candle, and it doesn’t mean I don’t wish the candle would hurry up and get to the bottom.
Sometimes it’s just difficult to see my own progress, even if I am making progress. There are no rules that I have to already be a polished, finalized result. As long as I’m making strides, working to improve, and reminding to ENJOY what I’m creating, that’s what matters. It feels like a race, but it’s not. And I have so many ideas my magic is only just starting on. The future is bright, to recite a cliche. The candle is burning its slow, majestic, entrancing, tragically beautiful and fulfilling burn. And it’ll keep burning, forever and evermore (had to throw in a Taylor reference, did I not?).
Anyways, I have so many more thoughts and rabbit holes I can venture down. In every nook and cranny. So get ready, digital diary of a painstakingly slow burn. <3
- Jenna ⋆⁺₊✧⋆˚꩜˚.ੈ✩‧₊˚