Diary of a Slow Burn: Entry 03
The Thing About Progress ☆
☆ Originally posted JAN 05, 2026 via Substack. ☆
The perception of progress..is so biased.
I think the thing that really affects the perspective of making progress, or not making progress, is not gaining real fans (for me as a musician, specifically).
I’m aware of how much I’ve grown, I am definitely aware, even if it’s not always immediately apparent to me or isn’t as fast or as much growth as I wish it were. I know I’ve grown and moved forward so much in the past few years. Despite that, I still feel like I haven’t made as much progress as I wish I could have, and that what progress I have made is perhaps unimportant and not valuable in a bigger sense. And the culprit - the undying, ever-present thought - is that within the past few years, I’m not sure I’ve gained any fans.
And when I say fans, I don’t mean friends or family. And I don’t mean fellow musicians or peers I’ve connected with professionally who will toss me a listen when I put a song out. Or someone who comes across one of my posts on social media and comments something nice (like they like my song) and then maybe stream the song once and move on. I mean someone who has found my music (through whatever way they may have come across or been introduced to me) and continues to listen to my songs, follow along, and engage with me. Someone who considers me in their list of artists they like. Someone who consistently wants to be part of what I’m doing simply because they, completely on their own, want to. Because they feel connected to it in some way. Of course I have the above mentioned friends, family, and peers that listen to my music… but do I have people who don’t even know me that have decided they’re interested in what I’m doing and want to be part of it? Not really. That I’m aware of.
(Side note, there is someone on Tiktok who had commented on a post and followed me a while ago and has since said my song is on their playlist and they listen to it everyday. Eek. So shoutout to that person who is in fan territory, I love you so much oh my gosh. I hope you do in fact consider yourself a Jenna May fan. LOL.)
It just feels so discouraging that I’ve not found people who want to be along for my journey yet, that I’ve not connected with people in a sense enough to have a community around my music. And that’s the thing that really makes comparing myself to other artists so easy. I see other artists who seem like they’re at a similar point in their career and artistry as me, but they actually have people who follow them, engage with their content, and listen repeatedly/consistently to their music. Like, strangers. Strangers who are invested in them! And I’m like, “how did they do that? Where did they find them? How do they keep them around?”
The thing about the journey is that for a lot of years, you’re going to be on the journey alone. I think that’s what really makes it so isolating and discouraging - the feeling that no one cares to listen, no one wants it. And then you start to think, “do I even want it? Do I like what I do? Nobody else seems to, so maybe it’s actually bad anyways.” (Which of course is bullshit). It’s the hardest thing to be your own fan when no one else is yet. And it’s ridiculously easy to feel unsure and doubtful of yourself and your craft, especially when when you care so much about what you want to do; when the art you’re making is so deeply personal and a real part of you. Because then when people don’t like it, or you assume they don’t, it feels personal. SO personal. Like, “you saw into my soul and didn’t like it.” And then, “what’s the point in continuing to try? Because if you don’t like me now, god, I guess that’s it.” Which is so SILLY. And don’t get me wrong, it’s not all about me needing validation to have any inkling that I might be worthy of pursuing music…but it’s really easy to fall down that deep, dark rabbit hole of thought. And it’s not that I need every person in the universe to like me and love my music - obviously they won’t, and that doesn’t need to happen. It’s just that, when it doesn’t seem like anyone in the universe likes me and my music, it’s hard to see through the muck.
And of course, I might feel differently if I was making music purely as a hobby, a fun, little, unserious project. Because then if I wasn’t serious, people might think I’m pretty decent for being a hobbyist. It’s the earnest “I want to do this for a living” that feels so harsh and like I’m holding my breath and standing on tip toes waiting for someone to say, “hey, you’re not good at this and don’t measure up to professional quality.” And you know, that’s really one of my biggest insecurities and fears, that no matter how hard I try, I’m just not up to a professional, high quality level or artistry (and therefore makes what I’m doing embarrassing, like, “doesn’t she know she’s bad???”). But like, fuck that! First of all, even if I am bad and no one has had the guts to tell me - whatever. Second, who cares if I’m being earnest and serious and sincere, even if you don’t like what I’m doing? Conan Gray said on his And The Writer Is...with Ross Golan episode:
“Have the bravery to take it seriously. […] People did everything in their power to make me feel embarrassed that I really cared about this thing. But I let myself take it seriously, I let myself care. It’s so much easier to not care […] But if you let yourself care about it as much as you know you care about it deep down, like, it’s amazing what you can achieve. Like, half the battle is just letting yourself admit that you actually really fucking care about something.”
That hit me in the gut and has been swirling around in my head since I watched the episode. It seems so simple to just…care about what you’re doing. But it isn’t! I think that’s really the crux here - it becomes increasingly harder to be brave enough to take yourself seriously and let yourself care when you don’t see anyone else caring yet, when you’re so afraid no one else ever will care. And maybe that’s how should I be measuring my success: did I let myself care? Did I allow myself to take myself and my music seriously? Have I kept going forward in developing my skills so the quality of what I’m making matches the level I care about it? Despite being afraid? Despite not finding my crowd yet? Despite what anyone else says? Despite what the villains in my head say?
Of course, and as is the point of “Slow Burn,” I’m progressing, and it’s all part of my path. So maybe it doesn’t feel like I’ve made much progress, but I have. I know I have, even with my skewed self-perception. It might not look big in the moment, but every little step forward is preparing me for what is meant for me. And there shouldn’t be any shame or embarrassment for doing what I’m capable of in the moment. I don’t have to do everything perfectly, flawlessly, the highest, most commercial level possible in order for it to be good, to be PROGRESS. Part of the journey is growing and improving and leveling up as you go. So I’ve made progress, and I’ll keep making progress, slowly and steadily and magically.
- Jenna *:·ﾟ✧